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Beach bum blueAnd I'm back.
Still angry. Still sad.
But hooked on a different rhythm.
Drowning in self pity and wishing for something different.
I won't ever tell you but I'm not happy.
I can't even smile. How...
I just want to relive it all. Never be adopted. Not be native.
Have ambition. Confidence. Motivation to be what you wanted.
It's incredibly difficult to forget and I'm sorry.
I Have ForgottenHow did we come to this?
Our adventures have become routine,
we no longer look for the enticing.
We sit at the table and eat our meals,
no jokes, or laughter.
We walk along the sidewalks,
not listening to each other as we tell out stories.
What has happened to our thirst for excitement?
To do things we normally wouldn't without each other?
We've become so accustomed to each other's company that now...
AccumulatingIf I could be a ray of light;
your ray of light,
I'd be everything I ever wanted.
I'd reflect across your window sill;
the old paint catching me in its curls
I could be your only hope in the dark hole you cry in.
To make you smile would be my only mission.
Except, I am yours.
I am your ray of light.
I'll always be there waiting for you to just look and laugh,
smile because you know that this is real.
All you need to do is say hello,
and I'll come running.
You are my soft snowfall,
my colored leaves,
my warm rain,
One New MesssageEvery cell in my body feels the pain.
Bruised thoughts, my tears are suffocating me in another bed that isn't mine.
My only wish is that I knew what was right,
to be the one to crumble in front of everybody.
Spontaneous actions are no longer exciting.
I'm more confused than ever before.
All I want is to be with you,
to sleep beneath those warm blankets.
Would you tell me if I was looking lonely?
Or if I was wrong in making my choices?
Don't forget I'll understand,
more than you'll ever know.
Take my hand and I'll pull you into the lake.
We can make sweet love to the water.
The waves crash violently against us,
sending us through the walls.
A Little Bit of Whipped CreamWe run through the grass
and stumble over our too-long jeans.
Grasshoppers move quickly out of our way,
and the little ants scurry back into their mountains.
We slowly roll to a stop and give ourselves a once over,
nothing broken or damaged, grass stains are memories.
I grab your hand and pull you to your feet,
Silently wishing we could stay like this forever.
I love our simple pleasures and the easy way we get along.
I love how no matter what, you accept me.
Breathe easy, and take a step back.
Look at how far we've come
and the memories we made.
Are you ready to leave it all behind?
Don't forget the late and early mornings,
filled with pancakes and birthday cake.
If you're ready to let go,
then do it.
But if you're not,
Just know that I'm right here to understand.
FrozenI don't know what it is about this boy,
but every time I think of him,
I close my eyes,
and wish for rain.
Can you stop talking?
I need to drown in this song,
just for a few minutes.
He keeps me spinning on this wheel of emotion,
my heart goes from hot to cold,
and all I really want is for somebody to hurt with me,
or to take away my hurt, just for a second.
Every time he says my name,
All I can think of is how much I need somebody.
In the night, I can think.
This is where
I find all the endings to my beginnings.
Work, Power, and EnergyI am so sick of you
thinking you know me.
Telling me things,
that somehow, I'm just like you.
I have a wall, and I won't ever cry,
no matter how many times you yell at me.
This, you say, was you.
We think the same,
we like the same things,
I'm as unbearably stubborn as you once were.
You think that now that you've been "enlightened",
that they've helped you open your eyes,
you can throw this shit at me.
Don't think for a second that I ever wanted to be like you.
Don't think that I ever will be anything like you.
I can only ever be the person I've created, which is me.
You know that, every time you tell me not to do something, I will do it.
Every time you say not to, I will.
Everything you say to me, I will take it as a challenge.
You say "You'll never change unless you let go."
I say "Watch me."
If Only I Were LonelyLet's get found by the water,
kissing our toes,
sending shivers through our legs.
The wind will gently blow the hair from my face,
will you lean in and put it back into place?
I'm only a memory,
except,I become more and more pressing as time rages on,
instead of being forgotten.
Skip a couple bridges,
snap to the beginning,
can we just keep tumbling?
You've lost the key to the door,
the door into my heart,
and it sucks that I never keep a spare.
If only I were lonely,
Maybe this could work.
If It's Love, I Wouldn't KnowIf I took a crack at being with you,
I'd be pretty broken up.
I just feel like cutting off all my skin
and putting some new stuff on and running into the ocean.
I've never shot for the moon or the stars,
but I've always wanted to be out of this world.
Everything sounds muffled, like I'm walking in a cotton ball world,
where every word is soft and quiet
and my mind is slow and foggy.
If I lie a moment longer,
I'll drown in my bed of tears.
I forgot what it felt like to feel,
to feel anything real.
He made me smile because it was polite.
I laughed because he smiled.
And I looked into his eyes because I wanted to know.
Where were we going, what were we doing, who are you?
Normally I wouldn't care but something didn't feel right.
I don't care about anything because then I didn't have to feel. If I don't feel, I don't hurt. If I don't love, I don't hurt.
But then...I could never feel love.
You can stretch and pull and break my heart,
but I have a feeling it's only going
I AmI am single,
but I am loved.
I am not a genius,
but I am intelligent.
I am not breathtaking,
but I have beauty.
I am not a saint,
but I am kind.
To the world,
I am not perfect.
But for someone,
Two Years LaterShe asked him gently, “Do you love me?”
In his long silence, she found closure,
And left her love under a willow tree.
lung canceri will die with your name on my lips
because there is nothing else i'll need to say.
you are my coffin, my funeral pyre.
as my bones disintegrate, popping and snapping,
you will greedily swallow my ashes
until nothing is left of me but secondhand smoke.
i've danced with you, love, across hospital tile,
the scent of antiseptic cloying as valentine's chocolate.
you dipped me into unconsciousness,
and i willingly closed my eyes.
the intrusion of your scalpel teeth no longer scares me.
you, my rigor mortis soul mate, always take me under.
your tent of frostbitten shelter pulls me down, an anchor,
while i gag on pills too abstract to save me.
forgive me, lungs, of my cigarette abuse,
but i've found happiness in a reaper's cloak.
i find comfort in these carcinogens.
i've made my nest in a swaying tree,
my body destroyed by the nauseous rocking.
they smile at me with pity in their eyes,
scribbling nonsense on those jaw-like clipboards.
their crisp, stark white world still has faith in me,
you've been dead for a year, my deari met you on december 21st,
the longest night of the year.
you had solstice eyes: cold, dark, alluring.
i knew you were not meant to last,
powerful as a gale but fragile as
the tulip stems you snapped,
a sickening cycle of you,
an overwhelming tidal wave.
they say two wrongs will never make a right,
but i made so many bad choices that
i wound up back where I began.
it was too easy to love you,
but getting you to love me back was impossible.
i clawed at your chest until I struck blood,
until my nails split into shards.
you were born a phantom,
and i, your corpse.
holding onto you felt like drowning in quicksand;
i fought but always sank into your arms.
i breathed in dirt, breathed in dust, and
found my organs choked with you,
smothered by your existence.
you sucked out my breath
every time i kissed you.
i died every day with your hand
knotted in my hair.
You left on june 21st,
the longest day of the year.
i bit down sorrow and deconstructed
the labyrinth within me,
the one you hadn't th
All Her Little ThingsStop hating her for the littlest things.
The things she can't prevent,
The things she can't save herself from..
Stop demanding her to do things,
Things she can't accomplish,
Things she can't imagine being done...
Stop lying to her,
Telling her you love her,
Want her, need her...
When all you've ever done is make her want to
Stop hating her for the littlest things.
The things she can't prevent,
The things she can't save herself from...
When those little things you've done
Take her down...
The little things won't matter anymore.
I give upSometimes
I try so hard to change for people
Do what they want,
Listen to their critiques,
Try to be a good friend..
But you know?
Everyone makes mistakes,
is not perfect,
is tired and stressed and slips,
It is never good enough,
no matter what I do,
nobody ever sees what I changed,
everybody always only sees my faults.
I get criticised for what I did wrong,
but never acknowledged for what I changed,
I give up.
I don't have the energy anymore,
to always justify myself,
to always go up and be the one,
that is bad,
to always be the one,
Sometimes I think I'm better off without anyone...
Eye of the StormI believed I could make the wind blow,
and force the moon to shine at night,
create rainbows just by thinking,
and hold tea parties for fairies in July,
I was the queen of my own graceful lands.
Yet, I grew old and realized,
I am the kind of girl who'd trip and fall,
often for stepping on her own feet.
My crown of diamond and gold
now a rusted piece of bronze,
I lost my throne to treason, my kingdom to hate,
I became the eye of a hurricane,
loaded with mishaps I need to atone.
I felt the soft touches of angels,
and lost my own wings to demons who could crush stone.
Felt the scorching tears run so often,
I knew I must have hit bottom low.
I had nothing holy, no one to call dear,
but here I am, the starting point of my own storm.
I felt fear, clung to shadows,
encased my heart within marble walls,
and threw the keys that can unlock my soul.
So many chances I've lost with no love to seek,
and so many people I turned my back to.
I let the darkness gnaw through my bones.
A stranger walked up to me today...A man walked up to me and asked me for a cigarette… I told him I didn't smoke anymore, and he asked me why? ––I answered "because the person I used to smoke with, isn't around anymore", and he replied…"that's why I smoke."
A woman walked up to me and asked me for drugs, I replied "I have several in store…his eyes, his smile, his hands"…she whispered, "that's not a drug"…and I laughed as I said.. "if only you knew."
A child walked up to me today and asked me to play a game, I told them I was too tired to play games, i'd been playing for years, they replied…"then you must be a pro!", to which I said "yes…a pro at losing."
An old woman stared at me today, and I asked her…"is something wrong?" she answered "I was about to ask you the same question."
© Rocio Belinda Mendez
Atlantic DreamEvery muscle in my body contracts with pleasure when I think of you.
I want to dance.
I smile and giggle,
my eyes roll far into the back of my head in ecstasy.
I start to shake and I know that
It's you that I want.
Every time you smile, I can see the lines around your lips as if you don't do it often.
You look deep into my eyes,
and I can only look back for a moment before my shy side
makes me to look away.
My voice goes soft and quiet,
I don't know what to say without being myself.
I don't even know you.
Why am I still hooked on you?
Every time I think I have an idea,
Every time I talk to you,
you laugh and smile more.
You're soft with me,
not loud or obnoxious.
And each time I think I might have you,
You twist away hastily in an act of strength,
making me look weak.
AerosolIt has been a day and a half since the crash, and I have found a cabin. In some ways, this is a relief. I don’t know if I could face another night on the mountain without shelter. Outside, a fire does no good: the heat simply travels upwards. However, this place also raises some difficult questions. I estimate that I’ve put eight miles between myself and the crash site. I don’t know if this will be enough. It Saving...
occurs to me that I don’t really know anything.
The survival manual recommends staying with the plane. It explains that this affords the best chance of rescue. It explains that the wreckage offers warmth and shade. It explains that seventy percent of pilots who stay are located within three days, while seventy percent of those who leave are
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