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Beach bum blueAnd I'm back.
Still angry. Still sad.
But hooked on a different rhythm.
Drowning in self pity and wishing for something different.
I won't ever tell you but I'm not happy.
I can't even smile. How...
I just want to relive it all. Never be adopted. Not be native.
Have ambition. Confidence. Motivation to be what you wanted.
It's incredibly difficult to forget and I'm sorry.
I Have ForgottenHow did we come to this?
Our adventures have become routine,
we no longer look for the enticing.
We sit at the table and eat our meals,
no jokes, or laughter.
We walk along the sidewalks,
not listening to each other as we tell out stories.
What has happened to our thirst for excitement?
To do things we normally wouldn't without each other?
We've become so accustomed to each other's company that now...
AccumulatingIf I could be a ray of light;
your ray of light,
I'd be everything I ever wanted.
I'd reflect across your window sill;
the old paint catching me in its curls
I could be your only hope in the dark hole you cry in.
To make you smile would be my only mission.
Except, I am yours.
I am your ray of light.
I'll always be there waiting for you to just look and laugh,
smile because you know that this is real.
All you need to do is say hello,
and I'll come running.
You are my soft snowfall,
my colored leaves,
my warm rain,
One New MesssageEvery cell in my body feels the pain.
Bruised thoughts, my tears are suffocating me in another bed that isn't mine.
My only wish is that I knew what was right,
to be the one to crumble in front of everybody.
Spontaneous actions are no longer exciting.
I'm more confused than ever before.
All I want is to be with you,
to sleep beneath those warm blankets.
Would you tell me if I was looking lonely?
Or if I was wrong in making my choices?
Don't forget I'll understand,
more than you'll ever know.
Take my hand and I'll pull you into the lake.
We can make sweet love to the water.
The waves crash violently against us,
sending us through the walls.
A Little Bit of Whipped CreamWe run through the grass
and stumble over our too-long jeans.
Grasshoppers move quickly out of our way,
and the little ants scurry back into their mountains.
We slowly roll to a stop and give ourselves a once over,
nothing broken or damaged, grass stains are memories.
I grab your hand and pull you to your feet,
Silently wishing we could stay like this forever.
I love our simple pleasures and the easy way we get along.
I love how no matter what, you accept me.
Breathe easy, and take a step back.
Look at how far we've come
and the memories we made.
Are you ready to leave it all behind?
Don't forget the late and early mornings,
filled with pancakes and birthday cake.
If you're ready to let go,
then do it.
But if you're not,
Just know that I'm right here to understand.
FrozenI don't know what it is about this boy,
but every time I think of him,
I close my eyes,
and wish for rain.
Can you stop talking?
I need to drown in this song,
just for a few minutes.
He keeps me spinning on this wheel of emotion,
my heart goes from hot to cold,
and all I really want is for somebody to hurt with me,
or to take away my hurt, just for a second.
Every time he says my name,
All I can think of is how much I need somebody.
In the night, I can think.
This is where
I find all the endings to my beginnings.
Work, Power, and EnergyI am so sick of you
thinking you know me.
Telling me things,
that somehow, I'm just like you.
I have a wall, and I won't ever cry,
no matter how many times you yell at me.
This, you say, was you.
We think the same,
we like the same things,
I'm as unbearably stubborn as you once were.
You think that now that you've been "enlightened",
that they've helped you open your eyes,
you can throw this shit at me.
Don't think for a second that I ever wanted to be like you.
Don't think that I ever will be anything like you.
I can only ever be the person I've created, which is me.
You know that, every time you tell me not to do something, I will do it.
Every time you say not to, I will.
Everything you say to me, I will take it as a challenge.
You say "You'll never change unless you let go."
I say "Watch me."
If Only I Were LonelyLet's get found by the water,
kissing our toes,
sending shivers through our legs.
The wind will gently blow the hair from my face,
will you lean in and put it back into place?
I'm only a memory,
except,I become more and more pressing as time rages on,
instead of being forgotten.
Skip a couple bridges,
snap to the beginning,
can we just keep tumbling?
You've lost the key to the door,
the door into my heart,
and it sucks that I never keep a spare.
If only I were lonely,
Maybe this could work.
If It's Love, I Wouldn't KnowIf I took a crack at being with you,
I'd be pretty broken up.
I just feel like cutting off all my skin
and putting some new stuff on and running into the ocean.
I've never shot for the moon or the stars,
but I've always wanted to be out of this world.
Everything sounds muffled, like I'm walking in a cotton ball world,
where every word is soft and quiet
and my mind is slow and foggy.
If I lie a moment longer,
I'll drown in my bed of tears.
I forgot what it felt like to feel,
to feel anything real.
He made me smile because it was polite.
I laughed because he smiled.
And I looked into his eyes because I wanted to know.
Where were we going, what were we doing, who are you?
Normally I wouldn't care but something didn't feel right.
I don't care about anything because then I didn't have to feel. If I don't feel, I don't hurt. If I don't love, I don't hurt.
But then...I could never feel love.
You can stretch and pull and break my heart,
but I have a feeling it's only going
How to be Populardon’t talk
go to parties
listen to friends
go with the flow
drink some more
don’t let them see the tears
as you cry yourself to sleep
for the most important thing
is to be popular
fall in love with (splitting hairline fractures)we swallow blues instead
of talking them out. oh,
kids like us are specters,
spectacles: boys counting
rib(cage)s & (de)composing
don't you hate
is a vessel
we're deities or tomb-raiders; no
in-betweens for writers these days
i'm not going to lie and say she was perfect.her skin was spotted with what she passed off as freckles,
but what were really scars from a thousand summer suns
as she ran about outside,
climbing trees and treading rivers,
pretending to be an american bomber
in the midst of WWII.
she kept crimson stains on pearl pink lips,
which always had the habit of getting on her teeth
because she put on make-up after dressing in her car
and ordering coffee in every way she hated it
as she drove to the record store three times a day,
ignoring her job downtown.
she owned four and a half hairbrushes exactly,
i took count on the first night i stepped into that whirl-wind room,
though her lopsided up-dos of messy blonde hair revealed just how much her fingers
never broke the dust.
she had these lovely fragile hands
that showed each and every vein and bone,
the type of hands made for tearing boys like me apart.
how could i have even expected to survive,
a paper poet
held against a reckless flame?
Panic attackIt hits me like a wave,
These thoughts of fear and regret.
They swarm all around me,
Trapping me inside my own head.
Pretty soon, I am suffocating,
Please someone save me!
My heart beat races,
As does the thoughts that pick up the pace.
Of sending me memories I've kept and buried so long inside.
They've come back to haunt me tonight.
And as soon as it came,
It was gone,
Leaving me here.
And what was left of me,
The sound of silenceThe sound of silence,
Is so deafening,
That it makes my ears ring,
With the cacophony of my own insanity.
Being afraid to speakThe unpleasantries of past events
Were driven by the voices of contempt
Leaving me breathless
To that effect, I was left senseless
And when I laid under the covers
As I tried to warm myself from the cold stares
I shiver, as my skin turned white
By the solace of silence
But, as I overcame their sadness
I learned to embrace the cold
Until I was able to give warmth to others
Ideationlocked in a room
with only one escape,
or so it seems.
your hands shake and you drop the key.
Suddenly you're unsure.
Do I want to pick it up?
Do I want to find it?
Do I want to leave?
you think to yourself
there's no other choice.
find the key or corrode, or rust
wear down the hinge
use sadness as the key.
You have the answer now.
Just open the door.
Just walk outside and don't look back.
Let yourself leave with no regrets.
And yet you can't.
You're afraid, you think,
but you are actually strong.
Don't run away.
Don't take that leap.
Atlantic DreamEvery muscle in my body contracts with pleasure when I think of you.
I want to dance.
I smile and giggle,
my eyes roll far into the back of my head in ecstasy.
I start to shake and I know that
It's you that I want.
Every time you smile, I can see the lines around your lips as if you don't do it often.
You look deep into my eyes,
and I can only look back for a moment before my shy side
makes me to look away.
My voice goes soft and quiet,
I don't know what to say without being myself.
I don't even know you.
Why am I still hooked on you?
Every time I think I have an idea,
Every time I talk to you,
you laugh and smile more.
You're soft with me,
not loud or obnoxious.
And each time I think I might have you,
You twist away hastily in an act of strength,
making me look weak.
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Endorell-Taelos is very well known within the community for her selfless giving and gracious community spirit. Since joining DeviantART over seven years ago, Alicia has continued to make a positive impact on many deviants. Her helpful and thoughtful approach was one of her finest attributes when serving as a Community Volunteer, and this has continued throughout the many contests which Alicia provides on a regular basis. As we approach our Birthday celebrations, we can't... Read More